A Tribute to Shaun

Shaun (R) with his friend Rick(L) all glittery and decked out to party circa 1984

I had not ever intended that this blog would be making so many entries about the passing of friends, but as with all of life there are no accurate predictions, when it comes to people passing on. Today I was saddened to learn that a friend of our had died in Vancouver. His name is Shaun O'Flanagan.
Shaun played a pivotal role in my early years of coming out and was responsible in many ways with introducing Clive and I to each other 27 years ago. He was very active in a group called Hominum, that had been initiated by another friend Andrew. The two of them were good friends and often out activities in those days always included both of them. At the time he lived in a high rise in the west end of Vancouver. This was a whole new experience for me. Living in the country and always living on military bases, the concept of what a high rise apartment was foreign, and he used to be amused by my need to go out to the balcony to look over the city. He would often accuse me of going out to be a pervert and try to look in other peoples apartments. But I was such a hick, I was actually more fascinated with the way people looked so small walking on the sidewalk so many stories below.
We followed the exploits of being a father who had a son growing up in Naniamo and he always put his time and energy to ensuring that he had good contact with him.

Shaun loved to go dancing. In the day one never just went out to a bar. One always went later and one was always clean and dressed smartly and fashionably. The era of music was disco and he had a great collection of al the latest hits of the day, 99 Luft Ballon, Major Tom and his favorite sing along song was Ertha Kitt. In a dance club when the song came on, he had a whole choreographed routine and he spent time teaching us this prior to going out on the town. I can still see him, in the leather bar, John Barleys, making rock-a-bye-baby motions to the line "where is my baby".

His Halloween costumes were incredible to say the least. All of them hand sewn by him and  theme oriented with lots and lotsof sparkle and flash. One year he decided we would all go to the annual coronation ball, hosted by the Dogwood Monarchists Society. This is a very fancy dress up afair. With people in formal uniform (all designer), tux's and lots and lots of ball gowns. I was fairly new to all of this and was sort of surprised when we arrived at his apartment to be greeted by a living Rita hayworth. This time he had decided that he was going in drag. He said at the time that he felt he had to do it at least once, and if he was going to do it, by God he was going to do it properly. All the bravado seemed to weken as our cab ride came to an end on a busy downtown Granville street on a Saturday night in the rain, and it was apparent "she" would have to walk past the line ups at the popular straight bars. But walk it he did.

He introduced us to taking sign language classes in rotating apartments to help us better communicate with a deaf friend. He did seem more intent on wanting to know the dirty words first, but didn't we all, he was just not ashamed to ask. In the infancy of our relationship, there were issues and problems, and he always was a sound shoulder to vent to and would somehow always in his calm fashion make you see reality. He became our extended family mother. Often doing the quiet personal support work he was so good at with so many people as part of his involvement with Hominum. But by far , the most vivid recollection I had was his taking us for a walk in Stanley Park on a crisp autumn day. He had been very helpful in showing us around Vancouver, educating me in the life in the big city, and proud to show off his town. He also prided himself on his knowledge and to a fault sometimes, as he was not as experienced in the ways of the big city that he spoke of. On this day as we wandered the park, most of us with a hangover; he loved perneaul, we happened across an area that is infamous (as we would later find out) gay cruising ground. As we went further along, it became apparent that this was what we were not into. None of us were comfortable being there, but Shaun carried on, until a man looking rather gruff, being that he was in jeans and a checked shirt and we were all in sensible walking shoes and fashionably appropriate attire. He asked us if we were lost, to which Shaun said, "no" in a very assertive tone, made a sharp 90 degree turn and lead us all in single file, like a mother hen, out of the park. Over the years we lost contact as we went our ways and our move to the country made getting together just not feasible. In times we went to the city, he was never around. And the years went by.  A few months ago, I decided to try and find him again and checked and found he had a facebook page. We reconnected and he was happy to reconnect, even trying to reconnect us with Andrew. He told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer and that he was undergoing treatment, but was sure he would be fine and beat this. Then his communications stopped, and we began to get notes from his friend Richard, outlining what was happening, from hospital tests, to hospice, to today when he passed away less than 2 months after we had reconnected. From his facebook photo, he looks like the same Shaun, but older, don't we all. I see that he has a great relationship with his son and all of his family. And the comments I have seen about him, match the same experiences I had with him 27 years ago. A genuine man who has touched many lives, contributed positive to a world of negativity, he will be sorely missed by those most frequently in contact with him. But even here these many years later and miles and miles away, I am saddened to know that his time has come and I am grateful that he has been a part of my life and contributed to some of what I am today. And in case you are wondering. No, I have never worn a dress, I'll live vicariously through his experience.